Should I Reconcile With My Wife After Divorce Filing—Despite Family Drama

DoomDynasty

Dads, my wife filed for divorce about a month and a half ago and we both hired lawyers. Now things have shifted a bit—she wants to explore options to work things out, which is good because we have two daughters. But her family despises me, and my family despises her, and honestly, neither of us wants anything to do with the other's family. Yet she's tightly attached to her family, and that was a majoor strain in our marriage because of the time spent with her parents, and that worries me. We have many other issues, but she says she’d like us to go to counseling and work through them. I’m scared because of what she’s already asking for in the divorce, and honestly, trying to fix things for a year or two might give her leverage if the marriage ends again and we go through the divorce process. I do love her, and this has been hard on me from the beginning, not to mention the impact on our kids. I’m looking for advice, some unbiased opinions if you will. Thank you in advance, fellas.

BeastWargamer

If it were me, I would proceed with the divorce. I would tell her we’ve had a good run, and although we care for each other, we no longer feel the same way. I wouldn’t want to maintain this relationship as you describe it.

KevTheRev

She found out it's not gonna go down how she was expecting (custody, supports, property)

Nightwoven

As a single dad, if I were given the chance, I would make it work.
Make it work for you, for your family, for your kids.

LaserRainboy27

For me, that’s a no.
Women detach in a way men don’t.
Once they’re detached, it’s almost impossible to reattach.

Your overall happyness is what you need to prioritize.
Good luck.

ChromMax

I'm an old guy dealing with toxic in‑laws. You should definitely try counseling you deserve the best life, and your family does too! You've raised some serious stuff that really needs to be worked through in therapy. I stuck around, and the kids have kinda helped me, but not a whole lot. Looking back, I wish I'd moved on.

GizmoLab

CLEAR BOUNDARIES have to be set by you and her.... you're married EVERYONE else is outside looking in. That means your families from before need to leatn that.

DuckZosolax

Be very cautious. Get your assets in order in case things go south again

Lyraxxide

Pray on it.

If you feel at peace with your decision then you made the right one.

Working on things will be hard.

But giving up is even harder.

Do what’s right for you.

None of us will understand your situation.

StarGuard99

The only thing that will change is the timing. ⏰
Her lawyer most likely advised her that she doesn't have a case that will warrant what she wants out of a divorce settlement. 🤷‍♀️💸
You already know what her feelings are. ❤️

jrwdaedk45

I’d totally recommend you set a timeline, crystal‑clear objectives, a solid goal… stay open‑minded and check whether what you need to change or work on is actually realistic.

But remember yeah, do it for your kids, but don’t forget yourself! After being separated for exactly a year, I can see how toxic my ex and her family were, and honestly, I’m a way better man and dad without that drama.

MonocleKetchup

It’s awesome that you want to work things out, but dealing with both sides of the in‑laws can be a real pain. It’s going to feel miserable every holiday, so it doesn’t seem like a realistic option.

bengalrecon

There's NO SOLUTION here that doesn't come with a cost.
You have to figure out what's most important.
I wish I had gone to counseling and I'll never know if it would have helped.

mainsklink777

Consider what feels right for you. If you find yourself being a worse person around her and she feels the same, staying might model a painful relationship for your children. A happy, fulfilled dad is what they need.

If you decide to split, perhaps document everything. And it seems she may be playing games, so you might approach the court with resolve. I think you’ll be better on the other side, I promise.

TerryTheTank

Is it a strategy that some states impose a waiting period or something like that so you at least tried in good faith to save your marriage before they let you get a divorce?

KoalaKrunch85

They everything to work it out. For the kids if nothing else.

Get counseling and make sure there are CLEAR boundaries with her family. That has always been a massive issue in my marriage.

Flamecrust23

Note my bias and cynicism. I lean toward this: she realized she won’t get as much as expected. She wants to keep you around longer for resources. She may seek more next time.

NeonKnight

You're probably gonna be miserable either way, but the divorce will eventually heal. Honestly, I don't really know what to say about what to do. If there's any chance it could work out, you'll regret not going after it.

Lostinastate

Hey, you should join that divorced dads group and bring this topic up. Keep moving forward, or you might end up living with regret. There are probably two reasons she’s had a change of heart, and neither of them is in the best interest of you or your kids. Check out Life 2.0 on YouTube.

CosmicRouge81X

I’d be really wary of her motivations right now. If you try to work things out, it could actually give her a bigger slice of the divorce than she deserves especially if you involve family, an attorney, or both. If you’re in a better spot now, tell your lawyer you want a trial separation and note that there’s nothing stopping us from going to counseling if you still ant that. But if she’s already called a lawyer first, the odds of a positive outcome drop.

Honestly, brother, I wish I could give you good news, but the good news is that you need to do what’s right for you and your kids first, not what’s right for her or her family. If you have more leverage now, go ahead and separate and start the divorce process. Then, if you both want to date later, you’ll be coming at it from a neutral place without risking even more loss. God bless, bro.