You know, this isn’t going to change my wife and I have different relationships with our kids. My wife’s job lets her work with my 16‑year‑old son, so they bond over that and I end up feeling left out, and my 19‑year‑old daughter has always had a “Gilmore Girls” kind of relationship both of them open up more to my wife than to me because they see me as GOD (Grumpy Old Dad). What they don’t get is that I’m “grumpy” because I’m working so hard to cover the mortgage, maintenance, food, clothing, cell‑phone bills, insurance, transportation costs, etc.
I also teach a class with really challenging students, and by the time I get home after taking two buses and a train, I’m honestly exhausted and definitely not in “Father of the Year” mode.
It still hurts sometimes when my wife and kids plan a show or outing without me because they just assume I’ll fall asleep.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that getting upset about the way things ARE versus how I iwsh they were is a fool’s errand, since most of the situation is out of my control I can’t quit my job to be more present with my family without endangering our financial safety so I play the stoic dad who finds some comfort in knowing that many of the things they’re enjoying without me wouldn’t be possible without how hard I work.
That said, I’ve made my feelings known in a non‑hostile, open, and honest way about feeling left out (a lot of that comes from feeling left out as a kid), they understood, and now they’re asking if I want to be included more often.
