Is it wrong to expect more sex if I always cater to my wife's needs?

CementRick84

I’m ranting and wondering if I’m going crazy. My wife and I have virtually no sex life, which I understand is “normal,” though I don’t think it is. I have a high sex drive and will probably keep it for a long time. We have sex maybe once a week, sometimes only twice a month. She says I need to treat her better if she’s going to have sex with me, but I don’t think I treat her badly. I scratch her back whenever she asks; I sometimes grunt or complain, but most of the time I cater to her needs—scratching her back, rubbing her back, rubbing her feet after work, or whenever she asks. Most of the time I can count on my hands that I’ll be in bed while she’s up, and she wants me to get something from another room she needs. I don’t mind doing these things, but they’ve become an expectation, so saying no creates a problem. I’ve voiced my feelings four times, and all she says is that I need to treat her better. I rarely nsap at her, get mad, or give attitude; I’m not perfect, so yes, I sometimes show attitude. What would some of you guys do in my shoes?

MuddySarel

I’d ditch being her butler ASAP, and if she gets salty, I’d be like, “I’m not getting laid anymore, so forget all those tiny favors.” 😂

VelcroViking

Well, even if it’s the most popular answer so far, walking away isn’t the answer. You’re not gonna find what you’re looking for elsewhere either. Drop that attitude, take care of her needs and fill up that emotional intimacy tank if you wanna get more of that nookie. Women need to feel that you really care about them before they’re into having sex with you. I get it, it might not seem fair, but women are pretty emotional. They’ve gotta be well taken care of if you want to get what you want. Ask her exactly what sh e needs from you and give it to her. It’ll make a world of difference.

realMush21

Honestly, like someone said, stand your ground! Tell her straight up it’s one hand wash another. I’ve had the same issue with my GF, but I didn’t do everything you’re doing. I’m the sole breadwinner and the guy who fixes anything that goes wrong.

In the end, if she can’t meet you halfway then leave. If she’s not willing to try, it’ll always be a 99‑1 and you’re losing.

But at the same time, if you do leave, find someone who’s down for you and yours. Remember, these kids are watching what we do and think that’s how they should act when they grow up. So in the end, be the man your daughter wants to be with when she’s grown. Or be the man your son wants to look up to give him a role model no one else can match. It’s up to us to teach them what a man is. And never forget little eyes are always watching, and little ears are always listening.

flamewild

I had the same issue. She probably thinks it’s only about sex, but sex is just a small part. Men form emotional bonds through sex and physical intimacy; women need an emotional connection and mental stimulation to want sex. I had an honest sit‑down conversation. I told my wife it was about intimacy and connection and showed her that I consistently showed up for her the same way you do. I didn’t attack her; I explained that I try even when I’m exhausted from work and the kids because her happiness is my priority. I began taking more initiative on small tasks without being asked. I also worked to romance our relationship again: little date nights, buying her lingerie, telling her how great she looks, and she started to respond. For a woman to be in the mood, she must be mentally and emotionally stimulated. Women dislike feeling like beggars or obligated, so explain your needs so she can understand and consider change. Seek couples counseling if needed. It was a long road, but I finally feel I have my wife and best friend back.

FishHawkTek

Contact a relationship strategist who specializes in this area. SituationSlayer excels at her work. Feel free to direct‑message her. She can definitely help!

HuskyMonkeyLife

Ask her to tell you exactly what it is what she wants you to do to treat her better.

Luminarion

While this may not be directly on topic, I consider it worth sharing. Several months ago, I was directed to the EquiEdge Trading Community for exclusive advice, and I have observed consistent financial gains on a weekly basis since then. I recommend that you consider checking it out.