Teenage stepdaughter here. She’s turning 15, and I’m beginning to see a little of what you’re describing. She’s not quite on your son’s level of disrespect, yet she definitely has heer own share of it. It seems her dad or her peers have taught her that filthy language, which she lets loose unfiltered when she’s angry. In those moments she appears to have almost no respect for authority or for her elders. I feel she differs from your son for at least one reason: she also has a nice side and can be pleasant to spend time with (my apologies, I don’t mean to imply your son is always unpleasant), and she’ll even listen when the timing feels right, so her disrespect feels almost bipolar. She’s almost borderline delinquent, simply because of that mouth. Skipping classes doesn’t seem to help her in the long run, either.
I wonder if it’s part of teenager DNA to feel right all the time. A lot of them seem really good at talking back, like my stepdaughter. I also suspect there may have been a point when he realized he doesn’t know everything and started to believe he’s smarter. Why, who knows. I have a coworker, much older than me, whose son sounds similar to yours. He can’t seem to tell his son anything either, yet now his son is well into adulthood. Teenage boys, it seems, are often hard‑headed.
My advice – he’s practically an adult now, and I’m not sure correcting him or trying to be right will accomplish much at this point, even if you are. If he’s the type to keep arguing even when you show him undeniable proof, perhaps it’s better to treat him like any other guy in the world: “Okay dude, whatever you say.” If your arguments are about right‑or‑wrong, opinion‑based or fact‑based matters, you may have to accept that you can’t win with someone who never wants to be wrong. Life may put him on his back sooner rather than later, and, as others have suggested, the best thing you might do is support him when he’s down. The idea of having a conversation with him could be worth considering, especially in terms of how to address the nature of your relationship. A man‑to‑man approach might help you find a way to get along, because it’s no longer about treating him as a kid. It feels like a different ball game if your disputes are simply about him not listening to you as the adult in the house, versus him being a kid who refuses to follow your rules or do what he’s asked. Then you’d have a case similar to what I have with my stepdaughter (on top of the attitude and disrespect), lol.
The last thing I’ll mention is the fact that he’s been this way since he was about twelve. Particularly because he seems respectful to everyone except you, it might be that they aren’t pushing his buttons by offering unsolicited advice, or perhaps something went off in your relationship or communication earlier on. Hindsight is 20/20, and my first thought as I read this was that family counseling might have been helpful to resolve whatever caused him to interact with you that way. I recently read something that actually stings a bit for anyone it applies to. Not saying this is you, but it came to mind – “how children treat their parents when they no longer need their parents to survive is a reflection of how their parents made them feel when they did need their parents to survive.” No accusations here, just something to think about for yourself.
