I had to get this off my chest. Feel free to read and tell me what u think, I need all the input I can get right now. It’s fucked. 😅
So I’m a newly single dad as of Christmas. Here’s what happened.
I don’t really have a lot of people to talk to, so I’m putting it out here. Let me know if you guys think. Me and my ex‑fiancée were together happily and healthily for 6 years, lived together 5. We have a 3.5‑yr‑old daughter (her first and only baby, mine too). We talked and she said she wanted to stay home with the baby. I said no problem. Things were going as good as they could get.
Then recently she came up to me and said she’d like to work again. Nothing major. Part‑time, maybe 2 days a week. Make her feel like she’s more than just a mom. So I said “hell ya, baby, let’s get u back in the saddle.” 🚀
Fast forward: Dec 1 she started at Hardees. After 4 shifts she came home telling me how much she liked it and how happy she was to be working again. I was happy for her. Even though the last 3.5 yrs I’ve been by her and our daughter’s side 1000 %, I still worked 10 hrs a day and she had to watch the baby, which was ok, but she wanted to go back to work.
After her 4th shift she came home saying “hey Tom, after work I’ma stop by my manager’s and hang for a lil.” 🚩 Immediate red flag. But I trusted her 100 %, she never gave me a reason not to, and since having the baby she’s only had one girlfriend, so I know she didn’t have many friends. Granted I haven’t had friends in years, but we’re men, we don’t need friends, HA. So I put my pride aside and said yea, just keep it friendly. She assured me she loved me so much she’d never hurt our family. And like I said, 6 years with zero infidelity. From my understanding we were happier than ever.
So I put my pride aside and said yes.
Fast forward to Christmas: she asked me at 5 pm if she could go hang with her manager and smoke. I said “on Christmas really?” but I said yea, mainly ’cause she was starting to say I was acting crazy and jealous even though I was calm. I thought maybe I’m crazy—she’s never done anything. She said she’ll be back at 7.
7 pm rolls around, I text, she says she’s about to head home. She comes in at 9 pm. At this point I know something happened; I just want to hear it from her mouth. I asked why she was so late. She said she fell asleep accidentally. Bullshit, but I kept letting it go.
So I tell her, “since you’re home, how about I give you your Christmas present?” (We have a healthy sex life.) She said, “babe, I don’t feel good.” In the 6 years we’ve been together she’s turned me down maybe 3 times, so that was super unusual. I kept playing along. I said, “I’m sorry y ou don’t feel good, u think u could just let me look at you (naked) so I can ya know…” Like I said this would never have been a problem, but she responded “I’m cold.”
I’m like, “c’mon babe, I wanna see your body.” ‘Cause if she wasn’t gonna tell me, I mean we’ve been together 6 yrs, I know her body like the back of my hand. You can tell if a girl’s been having sex. She starts saying I’m crazy and stuff. Mind u, I’m as calm as a cucumber.
Finally she says she’s not gonna stay here if I’m gonna keep accusing her. I said just tell me what happened—I’ve looked at your face every day for 6 yrs, I can tell something’s wrong. She said, “what if I told u we kissed?” I said, “if u kissed Bri, u did something else.” She says, “you know what, I’m not staying here.” I asked, “where are u gonna go?” (Her parents aren’t around and I’m really all she’s had for the past 6 yrs, and her one girlfriend lives with her mom.) She says, “I guess back over there.” At this point it’s 11 pm Christmas night.
So I told her to leave but I’m keeping our daughter ’cause she’s gonna stay with a dude she just met 25 days ago. She threw a 6‑year relationship, a family, for a total stranger.
Now it’s just me and my daughter and… honestly it seems like we’re happier. When I made her go I said she can come to my house whenever she wants to see Paisley for as long as she wants. I’d wait in the other room so I didn’t accidentally say something mean and make her uncomfortable and leave.
Since Christmas she’s come to see Paisley 3 times, max 20‑30 min. She said she wanted to take our daughter. I said she’s in no position to take her or make demands, plus I’m not letting my 3‑yr‑old who can’t talk around a dude who obviously has no respect. I told her if she’s been with a dude for a min of 6 months he can meet Paisley, ‘cause when I start talking to someone, meeting my daughter is a huge step. I don’t want ppl in and out of her life.
She said I’m trying to keep her from her. She can see her whenever she wants but I’m not letting my disabled daughter who doesn’t talk go stay at a man’s house she’s only known 25 days that obviously has no respect for a real relationship. It really hurts ‘cause she never mentioned a problem and she left her family for a stranger.
Now she lives with this guy and they work together. I know my ex and I promise when this honeymoon phase wears off and they start noticing they’re actually strangers and he kicks her out. She’s really fucked ‘cause before this happened, one of the times they hung out before Christmas I said, “hey, u know if u cheat on me with this guy, u better make sure u can stay ‘cause I will not take her back.” So I’m betting there’s an 80 % chance they’ll break up before 6 months and when that happens she’ll have nowhere to go and I won’t give her shelter ’cause I said cheating is unforgivable. My daughter is with me 100 % happy, honestly she doesn’t even seem to notice she’s gone.
Am I wrong? If u took the time to read this just know I really appreciate it. I don’t have a lot of ppl to talk to so I’m hoping for some advice on how I should’ve handled that situation. 🙏
