Hey Dads, I’m looking for some guidance.
Quick version: my fiancé and I are getting married in 33 days—woo! Both of our parents are separated, and her step‑dad is…well, that’s a side story. His parents and his kids (they’re about 28‑25, so I barely know them) aren’t really in our lives, so we decided not to invite them to our intimate ceremony. Her mom noticed that my fiancé’s dad (her ex‑husband) and his 13‑year‑old stepson were on the guest list. Since the wedding lands on Thanksgiving in Canada, we felt we should invite the boy. She saw the list about ten months ago and has been fighting with us about it ever since. We agreed to invite the step‑dad’s parents, but they’re still upset that their kids—whom we don’t really know—aren’t invited to the small ceremony. There have been a lot of messages back and forth, and in one of her last notes to her own daughter she said she’s taking a break as a mom because we can’t respect what they want for our ceremony. They’re accusing us of holding their grandkids from them, even though the last time they were there… The step‑dad told them their mom was lying about being allergic to cats (she actually is). He apologized, but it still felt off. He’s very arrogant, so a lot of his comments come across as rude or condescending. She forced the maid of honor to plan the bridal shower, then canceled it a few weeks before because she was still upset about the invite list. The maid of honor went ahead and threw the party anyway, but we all agreed it was best not to invite the mom given the situation.
Now they’ve decided they don’t want to come to our ceremony because they think they’ll be harassed. I have a step‑daughter and I can’t put her through that. Are we right for doing what we want on our wedding day? Or should we do what they say? Every time we try to please them, the goalposts move. I just don’t know how to feel about this. It’s hard to be supportive of my future in‑laws when it sometimes feels like they’re distancing my fiancé because she’s the other daughter from the ex‑husband.
Thank you for reading my problems, please help if you can. My mind is blowing up 😔
