Hey guys, I need some advice here.
We just had our first baby girl and my wife feels completely overwhelmed. She wants to stay at a women’s shelter with our baby until she can find her footing. What are your thoughts? I don’t agree with her decision. I feel it’s unfair for me to be away from our baby girl, and it’s unfair for our daughter to be away from me. Any advice or a possible course of action would be greatly appreciated.
MORE context:
First off, I have never hit her; if anyone hits, it’s her.
This is our first baby and we are both stressed out. I work full time, do the laundry, cook, clean, pay the rent, take over the baby shift when I come home from work, and pay the bills. My wife doesn’t work, and all I ask from her is to pump milk for our baby girl and care for her while I am at work. She pumps once a day and we have to top off with baby formula, which is expensive. She has seen two lactation consultants on how to increase her milk production, and they told her that she needs to pump more than once a day and should be pumping every 3–4 hours otherwise her milk production will stop. She is always on her phone “Facebook.” I asked her many times, “Please pump, then you can do your ‘Facebook’ time on your phone.” She says I am controlling and demanding. I told her I only want what is best for our daughter. At first when she was pumping 60–80 ml, now she is down to 20–30 ml. Now our baby girl is exclusively on formula. When she changes the diaper, I have asked her to wrap it in a bundle so it will be more compact and it doesn’t stink as much, and she doesn’t do it. I asked her many times and she says I am controlling. She wants our local church to “house” our baby girl for the day and I pick her up after I get off work. I didn’t like the idea, as I feel that our baby girl should be with her mom to promote bonding. She says I am controlling and trying to block her support system. I told her I have no issue if they came to the apartment to help, and she says they can’t do that. She has burned all bridges with my side of the family and my friends, so we have no support from them. She has only one friend (whom I think is a bad influence). This friend is a divorced single mother living in subsidized housing provided by a women’s shelter and pays only $75 rent for a two‑bedroom apt; this friend doesn’t work. My wife mentioned that her friend pays only $75 rent and thinks we should try to do the same. I didn’t agree and she calls me unsupportive and controlling. I think I am a supportive father and husband. Today she brought up the fact that we are renting, we don’t have our own house, and that my salary is low, and she feels I don’t provide enough financial support for our family. There is more to the story, but I’ve got to,get back to work.
