How do I divorce an alcoholic spouse with young kids safely?

RiverWalker7

Long story short, I want to divorce my alcoholic wife. I m done, mentally exhausted, and frustrated. I do not see this issue ending. She has made progress at times, but it remains a vicious cycle. The “I’m sorry’s,” the “I’m going to change,” all mean nothing to me at this point. But the sad part is that we have a 14‑month‑old and a 3‑month‑old; I cannot leave them with her if we divorce. I fear for their safety because of her selfish habits. Has any other dad's gone through this with children and an alcoholic spouse? ☹️

She told me when we first started dating that she could not become pregnant due to health reasons, and for four years there was no pregnancy. Then we became pregnant, and later another child. I love my newborn children. I am not sure what I am really asking; I simply have no one else to talk to or reach out to.

A little more back story with her addiction. She has had a DUI, attended AA classes, and spent about two months in a rehabilitation center. She has taken medication for depression and anxiety. I have been supportive in her recovery. She swears she will never be as bad as she was because she would never want to put our newborns through that trauma. Yet the cycle has returned.

Zeropine

If she’s up for it, AA could be the help she needs. And for you, Al‑Anon might be the kind of support you’re looking for.

TerryTheTank

I had to stick it out for three years I just couldn’t afford any more custody than what I had back then. It sucks, but that’s sometimes the situation we end up in. Now I’m trying to go for full custody.

ModTriggerVath

If she won’t take it, still try to help her do whatever you need to do for your child and make sure you document everything, just in case.

HarleyMango

Feeling a quiet pride in your desire for more for your children and your hope for change. I wonder if, when she is constantly drunk and unable to be present as a parent or partner, a rehabilitation program might be worth considering. I have walked a,similar path; my partner often spoke of ending her life and seemed unstable. I realized I could not turn a blind eye, and I felt compelled to bring her in. First and foremost, the safety of the children must guide us before we place our own love for her above all else. I understand how difficult this is, yet perhaps we can set aside selfish wishes for our women and instead focus on the love our children truly deserve.

S1Cowdog

Record these cycles, then go for FULL CUSTODY if that’s what you wish. You’ll be called every name by her family and friends. And you know what? There’s only one truth: if she chooses alcohol over her relationship with you and the kids, then until she quits full‑time, I don’t think she deserves it. As I always say, your happiness matters too, brother. GOOD LUCK, sir.

pineslothtrifecta

Sucks to see some people just can't handle alcohol. I know it all too well. I drink every day, but some people do it morning, noon, and night. I don't get it nighttime is my limit, lol. It always causes problems when you drink beyond moderation or put it before family. I don't go to parties; I have a few outings with my son and daughter, then we goo outside and do stuff, and that's it. I'd rather be here with them 100 percent. Wasting time partying while your kids are still small is pointless. I enjoyed every moment with them (I didn't drink at all when they were small). I miss that. I was the best dad, still am, but the drinking needs to be cut down at least in half. I'm too tired in the mornings.

MuddySarel

You need to collect and document everything little thing. Stack all the evidence you can.

SilentShibe

Brother, I feel this deeply. I’ve been through this hell and know exactly how you feel.

We’ve been together almost seven years now and happily harried for 18 months. She used to drink A LOT, and it caused many issues for us. She finally agreed to go to an inpatient REHAB, see therapists, counselors, and doctors, with LIMITED communication limited to twice a week with me and the kids (the kids were then 7, 8, 2). It required a minimum of 45 days as an inpatient. It was a hard and trying time, but she emerged stronger and with medication.

They were able to get to the root cause of the problem (psychiatric, in her case and most cases). With a proper diagnosis, she received medication and was placed on a pill that makes any alcohol consumption cause violent sickness.

Through the power of FAITH, prayer, and her hard work and dedication, I’m proud to say that today she is a great mother, partner, my best friend, and we have a newborn. We can go out, have a drink, and that will be the end of it.

Of course, treatment continues after REHAB. She sees a counselor once a week and a psychiatrist once a month.

GammerGuru88

Until she make the conscious decision to get better on her own it'll forever be the cycle.

You only have 2 real options, stay and deal with it or leave for you and your kids.

If it was me, I'd leave.

As a child of 2 addicts and my mother being an alcoholic, it sucks and it's not fun to deal with that.