How do I win back my wife’s trust after filing for divorce twice?

DuckingWinter

I need some real dad/husband advice.

I messed up. I messed up badly. (This is not about cheating.) It’s a story that’s almost ten years old. To keep it short, I filed for divorce last June. I didn’t really want to, but I didn’t see any way out of the problems. I wasn’t in a good headspace and I made a terrible decision.
My wife asked me to drop the divorce. I didn’t trust her, but I did it anyway and I blamed her for it. I felt like I wasn’t in control of my life anymore and I was spiraling.

Things didn’t get better after I dropped it. I kept hoping it would improve, but in January I refiled. I told her this time I was serious.
In late February I realized I didn’t want to go through with it. I made that decision on my own. I knew it was too late, so I asked her to come back to me and she said no. We didn’t speak from March 14 to April 9, which was our first hearing.

I got back into church and made peace with God.
At the hearing I told my attorney I couldn’t do it and I wanted to try to reconcile. To my surprise, she agreed to ggive it a shot.
So we have 90 days. We have a parenting plan, and I’m still not living with her.

She is very, very hesitant.
I decided I wanted her almost two months ago. In my head, the divorce is over. She’s understandably distant and doesn’t trust me.

What can I do? She said she needs space. I feel she’s already had that, and more space might just increase the chance of divorce. The first step has been taken, and that’s huge. But I’m impatient. It turns out I have ADHD (not mild) and my counselor says it’s affecting my judgment and ability to process.

I need to win my wife back. I love her more than anything. I was stupid and I promised her I will never do that again, but she doesn’t believe it. I’ve wasted a lot of time and money on attorneys trying to get rid of the one person who matters most to me.

No, she’s not entirely innocent, but who is? I’m more concerned with everything she’s done right and how much of an idiot I am for throwing it away.

I just don’t know where to go from here. I want my family back together.

MuddySarel

Check out “The Love Dare” 📚. Follow it and let God lead y’all 🙏. One day at a time, 40 days total.

It’s based off the movie “Fireproof” 🎥. Great movie!

TerryTheTank

Sounds like your ADHD’s causing commitment issues like you can’t stick with one.decision and you keep going back and forth. So you’ve got to work on that and actually talk to your wife about it. Don’t use it as an excuse, but tell her you want to get a handle on it, at least to start. You need to actually act and show you’re serious about changing things. Actions speak way louder than words or apologies. Good luck, mate.

KairosSage

Commit to God and to yourself that you’re all‑in on your marriage and leading your wife. Right now, what you do matters way more than any promises you say. So get the work done you know needs doing; but most of all, follow what Scripture tells you as a man and a husband, and keep showing up and being present. When your wife,says she “needs space,” she’s really saying, “I’m watching you to see how serious you are.”

Cybrostorm9

Take action. Get counseling. Pursue her. Focus on nailing the process, not the results. You’re a Believer tbh, good! Get plugged in at your church, btw. Join a men’s group. Stay active. Admit your faults.

This isn’t a quick marriage. It’ll take time bc you can do this.

callmecatfishskot

I keep reminding myself to keep working on myself, and when I turn my thoughts to my wife… I feel that setting a date night once a week could be a quiet anchor for us. I imagine us putting our phones away, just talking, letting myself open up to her and inviting her into those shadowed places inside me. I want to ask her gentle questions that coax her to share, and I’ll listen not to answer or fix, but to truly understand. When she tells me how she feels, I’ll meet her with empathy, resisting the urge to say, “I understand, I felt that way before because…”. I also see the value in going to church together, praying together, sharing that spiritual space.

BigDuckJaga

I truly hope it works out for you.

I’m in the middle of a divorce. She filed two years ago and said she wanted to reconcile.
We tried, but I didn’t keep my promise and she filed again. I have no hope that this divorce will be avoided. I curse myself every day for destroying my family and letting it slip away.

I genuinely hope the two of you can!move beyond this. It will always be different, and the scars will remain, but this is your chance to start a new story instead of staying stuck in the old one.

Don’t let the had days win!

motorchef

Keep going to church and watch the movie Fireproof together! Good luck!

TruthKit

Show her you still want her. Begin with the small gestures. Flirt with her and take her on one‑on‑one dates. Keep it old‑school. Take her to dinner, a movie, a sports event, or something similar. Attend a concert together. Simple gestures can become significant. Show her you still want her. Marriage doesn’t mean you stop pursuing her.

CarterMonkeyBall

Just time, my friend.

Trust grows, relationships grow.

If we both want this to work, we have to be patient and give it time. From my own experience, I try to keep my word whether it’s a small chore or a big issue by following through. Sticking to what I say helps build that trust.