Just venting. There are always two sides to a story, but I have no one to talk to, and it’s eating at me.
If things don’t change, my marriage is over—15 years together, 8 married, 4 beautiful kids.
A little background without spilling too many personal details: we went through bankruptcy in 2020. Over the past two years I’ve become “disabled.” Fortunately my health is good—I just can’t drive. I can still work and live a full life, but the transition has been incredibly hard for both me and my family.
Any communication with my spouse feels like I’m walking on eggshells, whether it’s big stuff like finances or kids’ doctor appointments or small things like just chatting about the weather.
If something stresses her out, she shuts down and refuses to talk about it. She’s a victim of DV and SA. Her family—whom I consider my own—is very negative. I love them as people, but being around them drains me.
I feel like she doesn’t respect me. What I make isn’t enough—or so I’m told. Worse, she tells others I don’t bring in any income, which is far from the truth. I do our accounting and file our taxes every year. I bring in 44 % of our household income. After the bankruptcy I started tracking everything we spent because I genuinely believed her and needed to check the numbers to make sure I wasn’t going crazy.
When it comes to house chores, it’s all on me—homework, cooking, cleaning, dishes, scrubbing toilets, feeding and washing pets I didn’t even want in the house. The older kids mow the lawn, so that’s a plus. School pick‑up and drop‑off used to be on me too, but since I can’t drive, even asking her to check one of our kids out of school when they’re sick is met with an eye roll and a sigh.
I won’t even get into what it’s like having to ask for a ride to work or the grocery store.
I know my children need to learn responsibility, and they’re capable in many ways. I’m trying to teach them, and they step in when asked, but I still feel like I’m doing it all on my own. I feel like I’m parenting alone.
With our older kids she loves them and means well, but I have to constantly stay on my toes because she wants to be the “cool mom” instead of the parent. Yeah, all kids do dumb stuff, but we can’t be the ones encouraging or enabling it.
She doesn’t admire me and, at this point, seems incapable of showing compassion. Physi cal intimacy is obviously lacking, but I’ve reached a point where I’d be happy with just a real hug that I don’t have to initiate—maybe even an “I love you” with a genuine smile.
I need to start seeing a therapist again, get back to the gym, work on friendships, and embrace my hobbies.
I’ve suggested therapy for her and marriage counseling for us. She’s been reluctant to both. Financially, marriage counseling won’t be an option in the near future, but therapy can be done online if needed, and we can afford that.
I don’t know—I guess I’m just venting to help process my thoughts. There’s a lot to do, a lot on my plate, but I have to remind myself to make myself a priority too.
Thank you for reading.
- Just another dad with an all‑too‑familiar struggle.
