Why does my child want me and my ex back together?

CarltonFetchHal

How do you gently handle your child’s wish that you and their mom be together again?

Zeropine

My stepdaughter used to say that all the time. I eventually sat down with her, tried to explain that it’ll never happen, and reassured her that I’m not trying to take his place.

KevTheRev

My son is five. It’s been hard for both of us, but we have tried it time and again, and when my son is upset, he usually says, “I miss mommy.” And all I say is, “I miss mommy too, buddy.” Then we hug.

KhaosRebels

Truth is the best!
After my former spouse left, she asked if there was ever a chance I’d try again. I said no.
I told my kids the same thing.
Truth is paramount!
Unless you think it might happen and you get back together.
Whatever your situation is, just be truthful that’s the best policy.

bengalrecon

I tell my daughter, “There’s a reason why your mom and I split. Those reasons shaped how we interact. They will keep causing problems between us. I’d rather PROTECT your happiness by keeping the fighting out of your view. That doesn’t erase the fact that I still care for your mom and love her. I’ll help her if she needs me, but a relationship again? No we can’t do that.”

TangoZal73

Be kind understanding but never give false hope

sonidraxy

Tell them the TRUTH, but in a manner that is respectful of their persepective towards both parties. Tough question and all the best!

penguintxdjanulis

Perhaps we could be best friends with their mom, without needing to explain everything. We might simply say that our lifestyles differ, yet at the end of the day we still love you child or children no matter what, and you remain always special to them. I imagine this child is small and young.

Lyraxxide

Be honest.
Explain that the relationship between you and the mom might be better separately than together.
Explain that your relationship with the mom doesn’t change your love for the kid or what you’re willing to do to remain in that kid’s life.
Avoid bashing the mom at all costs.

homeslicenoise

Man, that really hurt me and left me speechless.

I told my son, “Mom and Dad love you like crazy, and that’s never going to change.”

EchoSungam

We got back together 😆 not for him though

BogdanBump42

That depends on why the split happened. If it was because of abuse or cheating, simply tell him it can’t happen because you and his mom no longer love each other, or give a polite alternative explanation. Never speak negatively about the mom to or in front of the child; it could jeopardize a custody battle. When they’re older say, 16 or older and ask again why you and the mom split, you can share the truth then.

BlazingNinja17

I’m kinda in the same boat.

We have 3 kids.

2 in which I have raised as my own for the last 10 years and we have 1 together.

We split in late April. She was/is seeing another guy but I believe that ended because he is/was still married and his wife has now gotten involved lol.

My wife and I have been spending more time together since then.

Our youngest has been asking if we are going to get back together.

I have even asked her if there is a possibility.

I just don’t know if I can get over what was done and the fact that I feel like a fall back plan…..

She has also been open and telling me that I deserved and deserve better.

But points out what I should do differently but also has admitted that she has no right in telling me what I should do differently.

Morgriskhan

My son hasn’t mentioned his mother in about six months. She doesn’t call or try to see him. In the first eight months or so, he asked about her all the time. I’m glad he’s stopped asking because I don’t know how to get ahold of her, but it’s still sad as hell.

FishHawkTek

My 7‑year‑old recently said something similar. I told him it’s okay to feel that way because it shows he remembers the good times and has forgotten the other ones. I want all of us to have happy days. I know he will understand someday.

cajogosworth

It depends entirely on why the split occurred. Children deserve both parents at home, like their conception. Ideally, don’t have children with someone you can’t live with and co‑parent. Depending on the issue, you need to address and resolve it. But if you’re your own highest authority, it’s almost impossible to do things you don’t want.

ClappyCrafty23

I’m pretty sure my three‑year‑old is trying to parent‑trap us. I just tell him we’ll see what life brings.

Poechiskob

My daughter would never ever say that.

Frostedbyte8

Kids want to be raised by the… other and father. You can believe it comes from God, nature or both but it’s in them, and it should be in them.

If the kid is five or older, he will probably remember the answer for the rest of his life I know I did. “We weren’t happy/we would fight all the time,” made sense to me then. Now, after thirty years of reflection, I realize they made a mistake in getting married remedied it for themselves while robbing their kids of what all kids need: an intact family with their mother and father under the same roof.

TugroidFlux

My ex‑wife and I split about a year ago. Now I have a girlfriend who treats me like a king, my two boys like princes, and she’s got a sweet 6‑year‑old girl. M y boys still say they wish their mom and I were still together, but that won’t happen because she was ungrateful, disrespectful, and narcissistic. You can’t stay with someone you’re unhappy with just for the kids it could ruin your life, bro. Keep your head up, friend 🙏🏻