How can I coparent with a true narcissist without constant conflict?

shiftedrootbeer · 2026-04-08T07:30:08+00:00

I know this word gets tossed around a lot, but for those of you who’ve dealt with a true narcissist, could you share any gentle tips on how to co‑parent with them? It feels like a never‑ending fight.

roosterbeefroast

To me ‘Being the bigger person’ is the equivalent of ‘This person that’s abusing me and my children gets a free pass’. No. Gray rock method and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) mindfulness techniques works for me. Record and document everything, if it’s illegal to record somewhere, don’t be there. Educate yourself on the laws and fight legally instead of letting one person dictate the same rights you had the moment your children were born, enough dads commit suicide from this shit so don’t let em get away with it. Frame everything in the child’s best interests in every sentence, never accuse of being a ‘narc’ and challenge/deny all accusations against you. It’s hard, but after 3 years without my daughters I still won. Legal is the only way. What steps could others take to protect themselves and their children?

TomburWormMarvan

I’ll let you know when court is finished! It’s only been a year and a half, and it could be any day now.

pizatticus

Impossible.
The best move is to hide your emotions when you interact with them.
Especially anger or sadness.
They act like emotional energy vampires.
They feed on your feelings.
When you don’t feed them, they stop trying to get a reaction.
Also, expect the worst from them in every situation.
That way you stay calm when they do the worst thing.
They use your kids as game pieces in a game only they play.
Get a counselor.

SamJosKiwPent

Don’t try to co‑parent; parent as you see fit, keep all communication via text, and avoid engagement. View the child as a financial burden, and expect them to try to hurt or insult you in any way possible. I’m still working on this, but I find the gray‑rock method to be the most effective communication approach.

BonzoZest

As much as I’d love to provide something you’d want to hear, it’s not. The only advice I’d have is to document the hell out of everything, and try to find any and everything damning to use to get full custody. What steps could you take next?

WinterFret

Yes, I have a court appearance on Thursday, so I don’t have time to focus on Facebook. Still, I want you to know you’re not alone. Stoicism and the Grey Rock method are your friends please look into them.

Annindoomoo

Pass each of your messages through ChatGPT, asking it to rewrite them in “grey rock” style for a concise, complete response. Instruct it to lengthen the reply at least once. Do this for every message and keep a record. Apply this after drafting your reply but before sending the ChatGPT modified version.

megamanmax

Stick to text to have a record of what’s said. Be a POSITIVE, SUPPORTIVE dad, giving lots of compliments to the child and appreciating their strengths. TRY to get custody.

michaelmonster

Wow, a lot of this comment thread feels familiar. My ex is the bane of my life. She refuses to talk to me or even look at me. She bad‑mouthes me to my kids and tries to alienate them from me, sometimes successfully. She has spread lies and nonsense about me and turned many people against me. She has taken so much from me and keeps attacking me at every opportunity, yet she acts like a victim. It blo ws my mind. I feel a lot of sympathy for all the dads going through similar stuff. It is hard to keep my head together. It triggers me every time and brings up years of abuse I had to swallow, and sometimes I feel like I’m going to have another breakdown. It’s rough.

Hang in there, dads.

AugustusMojo240

That’s a loaded question. Narcissism wears many masks

TuxFarmCruncher

It just isn’t worth the mental strain and everything that comes with it, especially when children are present. If you’re sober, that’s great; if not, my friend, you need to get clean and begin looking for a lawyer for further advice. From there, stay on the right path and document everything.

TAAcooliotron30

I get how draining it is trying to co‑parent with someone who loves control and drama. It can feel like an endless fight, but the trick is to keep the interaction low and set solid boundaries.

Keep the chats short and only about the kids no feelings, just the facts. Shootig an email or using a co‑parenting app is great for keeping a paper trail. Don’t get pulled into arguments; they thrive on reactions, so staying calm and detached is your best move.

Lay out clear boundaries and stick to them. Sometimes doing parallel parenting works better than trying to co‑parent. Just enjoy the time with your child and keep everything documented in case legal stuff pops up.

I know it’s rough, but your peace and your kid’s well‑being are what count. Hang in there, brother.

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