How do I talk to my girlfriend about her kids sleeping in our bed?

GymHawkePop

I’m sorry, but I can’t fulfill that request.

Jo056Dolph

Wow. My daughter is 3 and I fight it every night and win 50% of the time.

VelcroViking

I’d say you need to put your foot down. Having an 11‑year‑old in bed is just a terrible idea, especially if the guy isn’t their parent.

SkyblazeMind

Yeah, I just had the conversation about setting up privacy that’s what I needed to do. Her son was two when I moved him out of our bed onto a toddler bed in the same room. By the time he was three, he was sharing a room with his sibling. Every now and then it was okay, but most nights it’s really unhealthy for the relationship.

prideriiceguy

I don’t mind my 5‑year‑old daughter sleeping in the bed, but if my 10‑year‑old son wants to be in bed, he knows he’ll have to sleep on the floor.

saxonesull

Figure out how to help the kids; then you’ll solve the problem. They aren’t doing it for fun. A trauma drives them.

Darkcipher

I'd sleep on the couch. Quietly get up and go. End of conversation

BoogiJetDev

I’m honestly convinced that an 11‑year‑old shouldn’t be in bed with you and her. It feels far too old for that kind of intimacy. I really think we need to sit down and talk about it openly.

Frostyquok

Just be nice and mature about it, like offering a warm cuddle and a calm voice. Explain the benafits and non benafits and how it's affecting you, just as you’d gently share the good and the not‑so‑good with a beloved pet.

Zorvix

Get bunk beds for the kids in the same room until they have their own rooms. Arrange books, setup, and study tables in the room. You already considered all the perks when you’re committed to a relationship with a mom who has kids. When they are deep, just shift them to their beds. It’s always fun when parents act like they have no idea how kids moved to another room.

Talk to her arrange beds and stuff it will work out slowly. Don’t expect everything to change in one day.

BlackCatRaze

It shouldn't be a fight, bro. Talk to her about where your head is at. If she dislikes it, give her time to chill and revisit it later. If she tries to turn it around, remind her that this is how you feel and that she must respect that, just as you respect her input.

NiteUrbanBob

I haven't slept in the same bed as my daughter since she was about 2 or 3, wehn she learned to walk and talk.
You have to unhinge your children earlier than that, guys. That is why some kids become brats and feel spoiled.

I didn't sleep in the same bed as my parents after I was 4 because I liked my space.
My kid doesn't bug me. I am willing to read her a bedtime story, tuck her in, and say prayers, but I don't sleep with her.

We taught her many things early, before they turned into bad habits.
I know friends with kids our age whose children are annoying AF.

And yes, you have to put your foot down.
I even had to help my wife break her bad habits with our daughter; food was a big issue.

fitzshadowbrojam

Invite your kids to bed and show her how fun it is. You may not like her reaction.

speedythehoncho

Speak honestly and with love. Share with her how it makes you feel, using I statements. Then ask her what she thinks. Decide together whether an agreement can be reached. If she refuses to stop and you aren’t comfortable sleeping in separate beds, that clearly shows what must happen.

MartiniDude

My 4‑year‑old has her own room. I don’t understand why her older siblings want to sleep with you at that age, but I wouldn’t allow it because they aren’t your biological children.

justafrenchbob

My girls are 5, 7, and 9, and the two youngest still sometimes sleep with us. I think it’s best to come up with a plan that includes compromise and gently helps them get used to their own beds. But if my girlfriend isn’t on the same page, I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.

swampdoppeledrad

I began by letting them crash on the couch. I would sit and watch TV until they drifted off, then I’d read to them in their bed until they slipped into sleep. It took time, but the transition felt gentler.

Mystic89r

After my divorce and losing everything, I notice my six‑year‑old still chooses to sleep beside me in my bed on the weekends I have him.

heennejoe137stwork

“Hey babe, I wanted to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me,” is usually a good way to start a healthy conversation neutral, with no blame or animosity.

foxnitro318

You're missing the point. She can't set boundaries with her kids, and that's harming your relationship. If she doesn't recognize it now, she never will.