Should I stop my girlfriend from going on a family trip?

KhaosRebels

Hi! I’d love some advice on a tough situation my girlfriend and I are facing. Things have been really challenging lately. We have a daughter who’s almost 3.

We’ve been through a lot—like a three-month separation a year ago, some hurtful words, and a tough time that’s cut us off from each other’s families. Her family doesn’t like me and wants her to leave me, and my family feels the same way about her. Honestly, our daughter is a handful. She needs extra support and faces a lot of challenges. We’ve struggled to establish a routine with preschool and daily life, but things are finally coming together after weeks of effort.

Her parents keep pushing her to consider another separation. Just two days ago, they had a so-called family meeting at our place, which, as expected, focused on us s plitting up. I’ve always struggled with her family because they’re always interfering and trying to control my life.

Her dad has booked a five-day trip to Belgrade in two months, from Sunday to Thursday. I’m really stressed about this because my girlfriend has been handling almost everything with our daughter, like setting up routines and managing preschool drop-offs and pickups. If she goes on this trip, I’d need to take the whole week off work to care for our daughter.

As for our relationship, I don’t feel happy about this trip for her. Her family is always trying to manipulate her into another separation, and honestly, I don’t think she should go. So, am I wrong to feel this way about the situation?

Zeropine

If you ask me, you should let her take a vacation.

But don’t let her go just to save the relationship because of her threats and power plays that’s not okay.

Your feelings aren’t wrong. Tell her how you feel.

Her family will probably use that short week to try to persuade her, but you can be sure of this: the best thing you can do is let her go with big enthusiasm (even if it’s fake) and welcome her back the same way. Don’t show any signs of missing her while she’s gone instead, focus on how great you’ve been doing with your alone time, spending time with your kid, etc., etc.

TerryTheTank

Sorry about the tough situation. I think it sounds unsustainable, draining, and destructive. You and your daughter (and her mom) deserve so much safety, love, and joy. It’s probably hard to achieve with everything you’ve described going on.

Give it your all to create safety and confidence in handling having your daughter on your own for a week, with everything that entails. Then decide, "Now it's just me and my daughter that matter." Separate and live a happy every other week life. Good luck.

MetallicMuttMaster

Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to feel this way. There's nothing wrong with feeling this way. I would suggest family counseling; you might need to sit down and get help from an outside perspective. And routines are really important for the child and for both of you.

aiguessmaster92

It sounds like you could really use some quality time with your daughter and start building your own routines! I’ve felt the same way you do (minus the separation), but I’ve had this feeling that my partner handles pretty much everything. So I decided to take charge a few years ago and started picking her up as much as I can. I get involved in figuring out what clothes she needs for preschool or school everything a dad needs to do. There’s no doubt you’ll figure it out, and you’ll NEVER regret spending more time with your daughter!

FindSofiMusic

Note that you have the right to take parental leave if you notify your employer two months in advance. So don't wait!

ViktorRise

Talk to your employer so you can handle drop offs and pick ups. Extend daycare hours if necessary.
Set boundaries with your parents.
Consider couples therapy.

MeoW

Your child can't go to preschool if you or the child's mother are on vacation. The person who's off is also the one taking care of the child. Preschool isn't a babysitting service. She can't just book a trip and leave your child unless you have 100% handle on things. Of course, you need to be able to drop off, pick up, and take care of your child. But not go from zero to a hundred. You have a job to consider. If this had been a mutual decision, you could have taken family leave or vacation, stayed home, or gone along.

KevTheRev

Absolutely, it's completely understandable that you're feeling this way in this situation. It's a complex issue with many layers, and your feelings are valid. Here are some points to consider:

Plan for childcare: If the trip goes ahead, start planning for childcare well in advance. Look into temporary childcare options or ask friends or other family members for help.
Set boundaries with your in laws: It's important for your partner to set clear boundaries with their parents and explain that their interference in your relationship is harmful. The same goes for your own actions.
Focus on your relationship: Despite the challenges, it's important to keep working on your relationship. Consider seeking help from a couples counselor if you need support.
Prioritize your daughter's well being: Think about what’s best for your daughter. Try to create a stable and secure environment for her, even amidst the challenges you’re facing.

Important to remember:
Take care of your own health and well being in this stressful situation.
Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you need to talk about your feelings.
Remember, you’re not alone. Many couples face similar challenges.

I hope this gives you some guidance.

DiscoNuclearChaser

You're completely right to feel the way you do. But you can handle balancing work and kids. I'm a single parent with three kids. My kids are at daycare for over 10 hours, and that's totally normal. Just roll up your sleeves and go for it. You'll be incredibly proud of yourself once you've proven you can do it too!! I believe in you, at least. 😊 Your relationship sounds like you could benefit from therapy and talking things out with an outside perspective to get some different viewpoints. Good luck!