How can I connect with my kids when I never had a father figure?

Frostbyte90

As a father of two, I feel so disconnected from my children, and it’s tearing me apart. I never had a father figure, and growing up in foster care with an emotionally absent mother has left me struggling to respond to my kids beyond the anger I’ve always known. I’m there for them physically, but I know I’m missing the emotional connection they need. It breaks my heart to think I might be failing them the same way I felt failed. I’m 25 now, with a 5-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter, and I’m terrified of missing my chance to be the father they need. My severe social anxiety makes even simple tasks feel impossible, holding me back from being the dad I want to be. Please, if any of you have gone through something similar, I’m begging you to share your wisdom. I need to learn how to be better for them.

Zeropine

Be there for them in ways you wish someone was there for you. Those little moments, like playing a game or just hanging out, can mean so much. I’ve found that even small, everyday things can bring a lot of joy.

If you're struggling with past stuff, talking to someone who can help really makes a difference. It’s been a game changer for me, and it might be for you too.

Chilli

If someone has anxiety, take them outdoors. A park works if they can relax there. Spend one on one time with them. Ask them what they need. Be ready to act on it and show you're trying.

CosmicRouge81X

Hey! I’d love to chat with you in person befoe offering any advice there’s just so much context that gets lost when we’re typing, and I think a real conversation could be super helpful, not just for you, but for others in similar situations too. If you’re up for it, feel free to DM me.

I actually host a podcast and do some behind the scenes stuff, but I use social media and live streams to connect with the right people. If you check me out, don’t let the live streams scare you off I promise our conversations won’t go that way. 😂

Oh, and just a heads up, I was never actually in the foster system. I was really close to it, though I didn’t grow up with my parents, and when I was just one year old, stealing diapers and all, I became a ward of the state. My grandfather stepped in and became my legal guardian, raising me himself. I also deal with major anxiety in social situations, and because I was raised by older folks, I tend to speak super directly, which can make me come off as a bit cold or standoffish.

FrozenGator

Be the father YOU always WANTED to have. MOST IMPORTANTLY, just BE THERE, ALWAYS. Make sure they KNOW they can come to YOU for ANYTHING, NO MATTER WHAT.

son1knight75

Be there for him encourage him, teach him, and avoid getting overly angry. Right now, he may not realize it, but trust me, he will look back and appreciate it.

You don’t need a lot of money to make a difference. Some of the best moments come from being silly together watching YouTube on the TV, hanging out at the park, or just sitting and talking. Let him vent about whatever’s going on, even if it seems small to you. He’ll notice that you’re listening, even when it feels like you’re hearing about meaningless drama. That’s how you build trust.

Luminatek

All you gotta do is just be there, spend some quality time playing, read 'em a story or sing a silly song. Check out this cool TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/molly_wright_how_every_child_can_thrive_by_five

GalacticRamp

T.I.M.E.
Get on the floor and have tea parties with them.
Act now small actions matter.

TerryTheTank

You do know right from wrong, though. Set a good example, turn everything into a lesson, and love them in every possible way. But holding onto the past? That's not an excuse, brother. You're better than that. So, be better.

Velox88Kai

Hey, just a ehads up remember this: if you're feeling uncomfortable, that's probably a sign you're making progress. Honestly, talking to a counselor or maybe some medication might help you manage that anxiety. Kids, man… they’ll turn your world upside down. You’ve gotta learn to relax and just go with the flow. Whatever plans you had for the day? Forget about sticking to them. You’ll be running on their schedule, and honestly, it’s gonna drive you nuts. I’m all about being on time, doing things a certain way, and sticking to a schedule. But with kids? Forget it. We’ve learned to add a 45 minute buffer to everything we plan. And guess what? I’ll add another 45 minutes just to be safe.

SilkStorming

I encountered a similar challenge. I found Ketamine Infusion Therapy to be the most effective solution, rather than the oral medication. I was able to stop smoking, and I no longer rely on the medication. The therapy serves as a catalyst, helping the brain repair and develop new neural pathways. This approach has made it easier for me to manage life's challenges and cultivate emotional connections.