Should I split inheritance money with family or keep it for my wife and kids?

StrykeJack

Ok guys… I’m going to lay it all out, even though it’s a long story, and I’ll try to keep it simple. I’m stuck in a moral dilemma and I can’t seem to decide what’s right.

Grandfather passed away and left the family some money. It’s not a lot, but it does help in many ways. My family thinks it’s more than it actually is.
Friends of my grandfather said he wanted me to have it; he just wasn’t healthy enough to get the papers done.

My brother was sick, my father was locked up, so I had to jump through a lot of hoops to get this money sent to me. There was no will, no trust, no paper trail of any kind. I spent a lot of time calling and researching to do it the right way.

My family is asking for their share, and I think that’s the right thing to do. My dilemma is that my father was locked up for drugs, missing probation appointments, etc., and my brother has fallen sick again and needs help.

But my own family here—my wife and kids—could really use this money. It’s not enough to split in several ways and make everyone happy.

I’ve been on the phone with people and handling all this work by myself for at least two months, trying to get everything settled. Between the bank, the hospital, the mortuary, the cemetery, etc., I’ve been the only one handling it all. The family keeps calling me, asking how much, when, what I’m getting—everything.

I’m just not sure which direction I need to go, what I need to do now that I’ve finally got it all taken care of and the money is coming in.

What are y’all’s thoughts? Opinions?

fireridgedragon

I might seem selfish, yet I wonder honestly, if he wanted you to have it, then perhaps that’s how it stands. One thing I’ve observed about family is that they often don’t assist with the hard work you’re doing, yet they seem to expect something in return. Just my opinion. Take care of your family, brother.

Chilli

Put your family first. It's not wrong, and you worked hard to build it when no one else would. Don't feel bad about caring for them first, especially since it aligns with his wishes too.

justafrenchbob

I keep reminding myself that I’m risking losing my family over a relatively small amount of money. It hurts that he didn’t leave a will for me because he simply didn’t. Without that paper, I know my relatives will always doubt that I’m not taking what’s theirs. I can’t stress enough how easily money can tear a family apart. I truly believe that because nothing is written to give most or all of it to me, the law sides with them, and honestly, I feel the same morally. If he had wanted me to have more, he would have made sure I received it without creating such a heavy burden for me.

My great‑grandparents left a sizable estate with many properties. The plan was to split everything evenly, yet the children couldn’t agree on how, and,most of the value vanished in legal fees. Still, each of us walked away with a respectable windfall. But now, more than thirty years later, the original heirs have passed, and the next generation barely talks to their cousins, scarred by the bad blood between their parents. It feels tragic.

swampdoppeledrad

I feel this is a lose‑lose situation. If you withhold the money, they become deeply unhappy; if you do give them something, they’ll sense there was more and think you kept more than you should.

hammericy

Man, you’ll probably blow all your cash on legal fees when those folks drag you into probate court if you try to keep everything!

CaptainKix1

I haet to say it, but once all his bills are paid, you’ve got to follow the state’s rules for splitting up the leftover cash. That usually means Grandpa’s kids (your dad and his siblings) get money first, and then the grandkids (you and your first cousins) get whatever’s left.

So you might not get anything right now.

You can probably claim an executor fee about 1‑2% of the total estate for the time you spend sorting everything out.

boomlmdbuzz

Looks like your granddad decided based on who you are your character. The fact that the extended family keeps asking for handouts? That’s probably why he wanted you to have it. Respect his wishes. He really chose wisely.

canuckprime2000

This tears almost every family apart. You could use the money, but if you don’t distribute it among your family, you’ll lose it.

SunnyPenguin

Yeah. “Family does that.” My best advice is to charge a legal‑advisor fee for two months of work, time, and dedication, because without it the estate would likely go to the state anyway. Then split whatever’s left, if anything is left. If not, too bad you took on the executor role and saw it through.

handlemoon

You could always claim it’s less than before. Keep them happy by tossing them about 500 each. Between having a family, doing all the leg work, and hearing what your grandfather’s friends said, I don’t think it’s the worst idea.

shadowcorvus

This reminds us why everyone needs a will.

In your case, you must send them something or face a court battle and costly fees. Make a reasonable offer that still supports your family. Essentially, pay them to leave you alone.

LiveLoveEverydy

Personally, if I were in your paws I’d keep it for me and my own family. From the story you shared, those family members couldn’t give a lick. You’ve done the leg work. Take good care of your family. The others have already made their decision.

NardoDoctor

By law, the money belongs to the next of kin, so it goes to the spouse first and then to the children. If your father dies without a will, he can only split it among his siblings, leaving you with nothing. They could force probate, which will be costly and could cause you to lose everything.

PunkPenguinX

Whatever you do, it seems like your family will never be happy and will probably argue with you over every cent they think they deserve. It’s terrible I’ve seen my own parents go through the same thing, and it got ugly fast. If they’re expecting money for nothing (not helping you), just charge appropriately for your time. Like someone said, give them a penny and you end up with a pound.

KidRapVich

I try to pay myself for the time I spend dealing with everything first; it feels honest to acknowledge that, and I’ve noticed most wills already allocate a fee for the executor, which helps me feel more comfortable about it.

cyberf3lnix

There was no will. Honestly, the money would normally be split among the next of kin. That wouldn’t include you. It’s not worth the drama, especially over something that wasn’t owed to you.

swiftpaver1989

Looks like they handed you the grind. Now they’re just waiting on their loot at least a slice of it.

SauceRedSourFly

“Family” always pops up when someone dies and leaves money. If they weren’t there before or didn’t help until after, they’re just ambulance chasers. I’d give them $20 and move on.

toppjack83

Give everything to your kids. Help your brother with the amount you and your wife decide on. Include the kids, too their input matters if it will be theirs one day.