Should I respond to my ex after she reached out for custody?

HighlanderSans87

This is my 17‑month‑old daughter’s mom reaching out for the second time in a year… She had my daughter taken when she tried to leave the hospital the day after birth. We fought for months; eventually we split. She moved to another state, and I kept fighting for my daughter, eventually gaining FULL CUSTODY.

I feel she’s trying to skip the hard part and the work I put inn to see my daughter. Because the mother is PROBLEMATIC, I chose not to respond the first time.

I’ve had my daughter for a year now, come August. She’s being cared for and shown the consistency she deserves.

Would you respond, or just reconsider later, if at all?

cattorpockets7

Sounds like she endured a very difficult postpartum period if she left right after giving birth. While that doesn’t excuse anything, I’d encourage you to lean on God and extend grace. You sh ould want your daughter’s mom to be in her life in some capacity. If she needed time to get her mind right, that’s better than her staying and potentially harming the baby. Having full custody means you hold the cards and you know what’s best for your kiddo, but I just wanted to offer some insight. I had full custody too, and we eventually reached better terms; she did what she needed to do and now we share 50/50. Praying for you both.

TerryTheTank

Your daughter will always know who her mother is. Are you willing to be the one to explain to her why you didn’t let her mother see her? If so, then no don’t let her, but that’s a battle you’ll have to think about years from now. Do what’s best for your daughter; you have to put yourself aside, and that’s hard.

KhaosVoyantX

I’m just being honest here: if she isn’t a direct threat or danger, I can’t help but wonder how I’d feel if I were in her shoes she just wants to see her kid. As long as she isn’t a danger, there’s no harm in my child knowing their parent. If she’s truly trying to get better and od better, I can’t hold her hostage for her past (easier said than done). We’re all human; we all make mistakes, but if there’s effort to correct them, that’s what should matter. Just my two cents.

MosesJayXJ80

I always decide by imagining myself in the other person's shoes.

If you messed,up, suffered postpartum depression, and a year later want to see your child, it would be heartless for the other parent to ignore that request.

Give her a chance in a safe place perhaps a park or McDonald’s not at your house and not in a locked or private setting.

The best outcome is that she recovers and you work together to raise your child. That benefits you (solo parenting is hard), her, and your child (children need two parents).

If she makes a mistake, show her grace and try to work through it.

SpeedRamonJebb

I’d say, if she wants to be consistent in seeing the baby then why not? But a one‑off might do more damage than good, depending on the baby’s age.

troyninja42

Perhaps we could get back to her and allow it, not just for her but for your child too. I can’t quite imagine what it would feel like if the only thing that might cheer me up were seeing my child, yet I was ghosted.

SkyBanshee42

If there's no imminent danger let them see each other.

reddreamsbucks

Ask your daughter what she wants. If she wants to see her, go for it 😊. If not, you’re just doing your job as a protective parent.

WatchSup3

I would want to know her intentions. First, reach out to your lawyer if she says she shouldn’t be contacting you. A one‑time visit could hurt your daughter more. As your daughter gets older, she will ask questions and want to see her. I understand feeling angry because she was taken away. You didn’t say how old your daughter is; that could matter. I think your daughter would benefit from seeing her if the lawyer says it’s okay and she is trying to provide consistent contact. If she only wants to come around once a year or less, then no.

HockeyMosaic

Each situation unfolds its own nuances, and it appears you’ve been guided by what’s best for your daughter. Perhaps a gentle experiment with supervised visits maybe in a park or a restaurant could offer some insight. You, who know your daughter most intimately, understand what truly serves her. It’s heartening to see you weigh these choices so thoughtfully. Above all, your daughter’s well‑being remains the central focus.

heresahobo1

Don't drop to the level of a vengeful woman...

HighlanderSans87

I APPRECIATE all of your opinions, btw. I only got advice from family and friends before, and I know people can be biased at times.

RuncadeBolt

Do what’s best for your daughter, not what’s best for you.

Khaoskryst

I wouldn't say anything.

I'm a single dad with custody of my 12‑year‑old, and I'm kinda going through the same thing. Mom only wants to see her when it's convenient for her.

WulfPotamus

Start slowly and let her meet your kid. Your feelings are valid, so proceed with caution. Good luck!

xylor7

One thing I've learned is that a kid shouldn't have to pay for her parents' mistakes, if possible. You're totally right about feeling how you feel, but your kid deserves to see her mom. I'll do it in public, maybe bring someone else with me like a brother or someone I trust in case something happens so they can record and testify if necessary, and I won’t stay that,long, maybe just a couple of hours. And see if she wants a relationship or not, so you can make deeper decisions later. Good luck, brother.

speedyhand93

I keep hoping she’ll see the kiddo not because she deserves it, but because the kiddo deserves to feel, every single day, that in every way, dad always did the right thing for her.

loquaciouspott

I think there’s more we don’t see. I’d let her see her daughter, especially if it’s supervised. If a mother blocked a father, we’d all protest. Men need to be the change we want.

Darkskies94

Respond and be the bigger person. Do it for your kid.