Help! How do I stop seeking validation from others and rebuild trust?

StormRider

Fellow dads, I need help. I’m not afraid to own my mistakes, but I’m looking for advice from those of you who have been in my shoes or who know what to say.

I love my partner, and we have two beautiful boys together. I h ave a history of not being fully committed—not by cheating, but by having casual conversations on Instagram or elsewhere that meant nothing beyond small talk, and by liking pictures. When my partner shares their feelings, I pause, then I do it again. This has happened a handful of times.

The last time, I commented on a story and then instantly deleted the chat. Why? I don’t know. My partner saw the notification but not the chat, so it looked like I was hiding something. I wasn’t; I later captured a screenshot showing I made the comment and moved on. Sorry for the tangent, but I want you to get a gist of what’s happening.

Has anyone else faced this situation and overcome the “lust” trap, and how did you and your partner work through it? I appreciate you reading my post and hope for feedback—whether it’s salt in the wound or a hand to lift me up. Any advice helps. Thanks, dads! (A picture of my 2‑year‑old for now.)

royalblade360

Do the same thing, but for your wife instead of some random thirst trap.
They're called traps for a reason.
Also, the internet is toxic. Best bet is to just quit social media. Your life will be happier.

TerryTheTank

Just get rid of your social media. I mean, if it’s making you do stuff that could mess up your marriage, just delete it.

KingMattTee

I haven’t run into this exact issue myself, but I did wrestle with a similar one early on in my marriage telling white lies. It took me a while to notice I was doing it because I was scared of how my wife would react. For instance, she’d ask if I had anything for lunch, and instead of saying, “I stopped for a burger,” I’d just tell her no.

I think in your situation part of it is the dopamine hit you get from the conversation or the interaction. It’s not necessarily about your heart toward the woman you’re commenting on.

There’s aa great book called “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, and it kind of teaches you about delayed gratification. Meaning, when you’re in that moment of wanting to comment, scroll, or look at their page, you pause, do something else, and get out of that situation.

I’m open to chat on DM if that helps.

MindCrackNexus

I can’t help but think that cheating is just cheating.
I notice the hidden conversations and the small talk.
One thing I tell myself is that if it’s truly work‑related and strictly business, it feels different.
I have to learn that every action carries consequences, and apologies mean nothing unless I’m willing to stand up and change.

JabbaFever

I’m a single dad. (How does that shape your perspective?)
It’s got a lot to do with this kind of action. (What does that mean for you?)
Delete socials and focus on your family. (Could this be the key to balance?)
No, it doesn’t matter that it means nothing to you, shut up. Just do it if you value your family. (What steps will you take next?)
Good luck. (What are your hopes moving forward?)

luciferfox

Do what you ought to do; you won’t do what you shouldn’t.
Stop scrolling when boredom hits. Act before the inevitable.
Double down on what she needs.
Give it to her even if she says she doesn’t need it now. Choose action over rot.
Become your family’s hero. Be her biggest advocate. Start yourself. Keep busy in the family business. Forget “me” when you made the vow.

ThunderBolt

Delete social media off your phone.

BoogiJetDev

You’ve realized that you’ve given her a reason not to trust you, and it hurts to face that truth but it’s the first step toward gently rebuilding that trust before it slips away for good.
Instead of just owning your mistakes to us, open up to her: share honestly how you plan to change, and then follow through with sincere actions.

TubaMadMonkey42

I'd step away from socials for awhile if that has been your vice.
If there's a spark missing with your significant other, communication is huge to help identify what that might be.
Relationships get stagnant from time to time.
Just going through the motions of having a roommate will make the situation worse.
As someone else said, there are thirst traps everywhere.
Ask yourself if you'd be okay with your significant other doing the same thing.

KairosSage

I got “told off” for liking another picture and other petty stuff. Turns out she was cheating and used those little things as an excuse to want a divorce. She said she’d stay single, then almost instantly “met” someone and got married in less than a year. I wouldn’t trust her if she went blue in that face.

Velox88Kai

I’ve read the other comments and they’ve pretty much covered it, so I’ll be straight: your son looks like a mob boss, and that’s adorable 😆

thennokatschanedrone

When you lose someone's trust, it takes a lot to win it back. You can’t just act trustworthy for a few weeks and think everything’s fixed. It might take years for her to fully trust you again. Figure out if she’s worth it, then do what it takes. Asking her how to earn it back won’t help you already know what she expects from you.

stabconkodaks

i just don’t wanna set that example for my kids 🙅‍♀️. i’ve done it too… until i actually thought about who i’m hurting 🤔. sounds like something’s missing in your relationship, something you’re chasing that ain’t there 💔. not 100% sure ’cause it’s not my thing and i’m not the best advisor, but that’s all i got 👍. you know it’s wrong, but admitting it is step 1. act fast 🏃‍♂️.

MokiTAM

Delete social media; it really helps. Focus on your family. Consider whether your actions are ones you’d want your children to emulate. Prioritize your family before it’s too late and you end up in an undesirable situation.

Fr0zMushiKew

Someone once told me, “idle hands are the devil’s playground.”

In my own life I’ve seen how those idle hands can steer me straight into endless scrolling and the,kind of trouble I never wanted. I keep wondering if I could redirect that restless energy this metaphorical need for something to occupy my attention toward the people who truly matter, especially my wife.

I remember being young and slipping into the same patterns early in my marriage. I got caught once, and the truth hit hard: I was chasing lust, not love.

When the temptation to drift as a husband rises, I try to anchor myself by writing a love note for her to find in the morning, or by letting the graffiti artist inside me sketch a flower and explain its meaning, hoping she can feel the intention behind each line.

I’ve realized that my weakness lies in seeking validation from other women; that’s what pulls me off course.

So my advice to myself and maybe to you is to pour that attention into my wife. To smother her with the desire I crave, to give her the energy I’m longing for. I’ve even considered stepping away from social media, at least for a while, until I can find my footing again. I want to date her again: walk together, sit on the patio, share music, a drink or a cigarette, and make her feel like the center of my universe. She chose me, and she deserves that love.

NeonKnight

As folks have mentioned, you gotta rebuild that trust. Delete social media not just the apps, but the whole accounts. If you want to save your marriage, you’ve got to do it. It’ll definitely curb the temptation since you won’t be seeing it.

TrackKnee

Put the phone down and engage with your family.

MeoW

Time, brother. Right now that’s the only thing that can save you. You need to show your devotion and let time run its course. In other words, stop messing up and hope she lets time do its thing. Also stay off IG. It’s a thirst trap and you can’t let strangers dictate your personal life. We all make mistakes. We all fail. It’s all about how you bounce back. Stay committed. You seem to have a good woman, so don’t ruin it over some stranger who doesn’t even know or care that you exist. Good luck.

BossNinja93

Practice mastering any thoughts that make you want to comment or act on them. I didn’t have that problem, but I had another one: a voice inside me kept telling me to relax when I wanted to do something, and I ended up wasting my days. I stopped by being self‑aware, and when the voice told me to relax again, I answered with the opposite in my head. It also helps to train a positive v oice. Record yourself saying positive things and the person you want to become, then listen to it morning and night. I know it sounds weird, but it works. 🤷‍♂️ Hope this helps you, sir.