Help! How do I stop seeking validation from others and rebuild trust?

StormRider · 2026-03-18T09:00:09+00:00

Fellow dads, I need help. I’m not afraid to own my mistakes, but I’m looking for advice from those of you who have been in my shoes or who know what to say. I love my partner, and we have two beautiful boys together. I h ave a history of not being fully committed—not by cheating, but by having casual conversations on Instagram or elsewhere that meant nothing beyond small talk, and by liking pictures. When my partner shares their feelings, I pause, then I do it again. This has happened a handful of times. The last time, I commented on a story and then instantly deleted the chat. Why? I don’t know. My partner saw the notification but not the chat, so it looked like I was hiding something. I wasn’t; I later captured a screenshot showing I made the comment and moved on. Sorry for the tangent, but I want you to get a gist of what’s happening. Has anyone else faced this situation and overcome the “lust” trap, and how did you and your partner work through it? I appreciate you reading my post and hope for feedback—whether it’s salt in the wound or a hand to lift me up. Any advice helps. Thanks, dads! (A picture of my 2‑year‑old for now.)

vortexlife

Delete Insta and slap a porn blocker on ur phone. Fill ur brain & body with good stuff, can’t have a foot proppin’ the door open to lust. 👍🏽✨

georgefoxarcade

When I feel that temptation, I try to quietly remind myself that the evil one is at work. I’ve found that it’s actually quite doable to pick up a hobby that doesn’t involve social media.

JethroPyrmom

Remove the app. It is evidently a picture‑based platform, and you seem unable to control yourself when it comes to expressing desire toward these women. That can be considered a form of cheating, my friend. The moment you add or react to these women and their posts, you cross a boundary. You are causing your wife to feel like absolute shit. She is comparing herself to these women and wondering what she is missing that they have.

StormRider

Thanks, everyone, for the wisdom, support, and reality check. Hearing it from dads who’ve been in my shoes really hits home. Thank you all.

AcornStacker

You are cheating no wording changes the fact. It’s worse than a one‑night stand because it adds emotional involvement, which hurts a man more than just sex. Some men can sleep with many women and walk away without a second thought. When wome cheat, it’s usually also emotional and ends the relationship.

You need to strengthen the emotional connection with your partner. Both of you must work on it. If she wants the marriage to survive, you must be transparent, or she must be able to see your communications, because your history of lying erodes trust. Change for your family’s sake you have a beautiful family.

househalfburn

It sounds as if you might be seeking external validation. It seems to make you feel good to think that women want to talk to you. Perhaps deep down you feel that you don’t like yourself, which could lead you to look for validation from others.

kenwolfgarr

Honestly, you should delete social media if you struggle that much, or if you only have family as friends and don’t follow anyone else.

triptamine321

Counselling is the answer, buddy. Identify the problem and plan how to address it. There is no quick fix.

LysnowLuke21

As someone who’s been there, I’d say the most likely cause is that your partner isn’t giving you the attention you need (not your fault, not theirs). I chatted wi th friends not a therapist, just close pals and then brought it up with my wife. The biggest snag? She isn’t into “romanticizing” at all, so I had to tell her how I felt when certain things she did “pushed me away” or earned a firm “no.” Then she wondered why I was short with her or less eager to do what she asked. It’s a classic give‑and‑take dance. You have to tell her what you need, but the trick is you might not even know your own needs yet just like me. That’s why I talked to someone first, to figure myself out before I could explain it to her.

LauClamGold

This is simple. Fire burns. If you keep testing how close you can get to it without getting burned, eventually you’ll slip and fall in. Stop trying to tell yourself and others, “it doesn’t mean anything.” You don’t just stay away from the fire you don’t even go onto the same property where it’s burning. Just walk away. You don’t need any social media. You probably don’t even need a smartphone. Cut the nonsense. Spend time with your child. When he’s busy, read a self‑improvement book. Date your partner like she actually has a choice (she probably does) and you want her to pick you.

justcalls

Go through the accounts you follow and delete the unwanted ones. The algorithm promotes them, and it’s easy to click follow but hard to remove them. However, it’s not worth it and it’s not genuine. Spend more time with your lady and less time feeding the algorithm.

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