How Can I Support My Exhausted Partner with Our Clingy Baby?

LiveLoveEverydy

I’m currently in an extremely tough situation with my family. My son is 9 months old and is going through a phase where he’s screaming a lot, and he’s super clingy to my partner, barely letting me hold him right now. This is leaving my partner completely exhausted when she’s home alone with him all day while I’m at work. Her family also lives 50 miles away, so we can’t really get any support from them.

In the middle of all this chaos at home, I just found out that my dad is going to pass away soon, and both he and my mom are unavailable for support right now because she’s staying home to care for him full-time.

I suggested driving my son and partner down to her family for a week to get some relief, given how things are at home, but my partner says it’s a terrible idea and that my son will forget me and ruin our relationship for life. Is this a bad idea, and does anyone have any tips on what to do in this situation? Sorry for the long post.

Zeropine

I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. It sounds like you're juggling so much, and I can only imagine how exhausting and emotional this must be for you and your partner. First off, let me reassure you—what you're experiencing with your little one is totally normal. At 9 months, babies often go through clingy phases, and it's not uncommon for them to attach strongly to one parent. It doesn't mean your son will forget you or that your relationship will be ruined. In fact, maintaining your connection during this time is key, even if it's just through small moments like reading together or playing when you're home.

TerryTheTank

That sounds like a good idea. We've been taking turns like that throughout our kids' entire lives. I see only benefits.

Pixiluxe28

I work long hours periodically, so my wife often visits her parents 15 miles away for a week or two. I have an amazing relationship with both kids, so I’d say your idea is fantastic. Sorry about your dad.

Zepticree

As a sailor, I worked three weeks and was home for three weeks during my son's first two years. No problems at all.

Lumineir

I don’t know if it’s an “idiotic suggestion,” but it’s a suggestion “some weeks” could mean one, two, or twelve weeks. I don’t think your relationship with your son will be permanently damaged if it’s just a week or a long weekend. But maybe it’s not a great idea if she takes him away for six weeks. Either way, it has to feel right for both of you if she thinks it’s a bad idea, then it’s a bad idea. Since you’re working, she’s carrying the heavy load so if she doesn’t like your suggestions, she won’t go for them. Don’t push it. This is still just a limited phase of your life your son’s stage will pass (it could even be over tomorrow), and the situation with your parents is also temporary. Hang in there you’ve GOT THIS! Step up as much as you can outside of work for your son and your partner if your son is super attached to her, you can handle EVERYTHING ELSE (groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.). Pull out a ruler, think of it like this: one centimeter represents a year, and life is 70 80 90 centimeters long. This phase is just a few millimeters at most. It might help you both keep things in perspective.

Darkcipher

Good advice, but your wife wants you home. Having a clingy baby is just one of the challenges you'll face. You might need to let your son cry it out while he gets used to being with you. Let your wife step out and do things when you get home from work.

I've been through a similar situation myself. Honestly, your decision will probably end in divorce.

My mom died when my first child was born, my dad when my son turned four. The kids' grandparents lived far away.

Chilli

Our daughter cries non stop for 15 20 minutes every time mom leaves the room. You just have to take it one day at a time and tough it out; kids are challenging in different ways and at different stages.

CosmicRouge81X

Your son isn't forgetting about you, but since your partner doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of your dad's situation, it might be seen by your partner and her family as the first step toward separation. Not easy to hear, but hang in there. It will get better, even if it's tough to see right now when you're in the thick of it. Don't forget to find some closure with your dad.

AshyBeasto69

I was away at sea for a whole month when my daughter was about 9 months old. Where I couldn't video call or anything like that. Sure, she was a bit skeptical the first few hours when I met her for the first time after that, but you just have to take it easy. Play on her terms, always be there, seek contact. The child hasn't forgotten you.

Jedixuino

A week is nothing that will ruin your relationship with your son. But you can't get back the time you lose with someone who's gone. And yes, when you're on your deathbed, you'll probably wish your child had the chance to be close to you. But I totally get that this is a really tough situation.

Rumblin

That's a good suggestion. But your wife, for some reason, seems to want you close more than she wants help. As for me, my wife and child are 400 miles away, so she can have support while I'm away serving in the coming weeks.

StarLord20K

Number one, the baby is nine months old, and if he stays with your in laws for two weeks to give your partner a break, it won’t affect your relationship one bit. My dad played hockey on the other side of the country during my first year, and honestly, I don’t even remember it, and it hasn’t impacted our relationship. However, this won’t solve anything in the long run because it’ll be just as challenging when she comes home again.

Number two, when you get home from work, I think your partner should go visit a friend for a few hours a few times a week so you and your son can build a stronger bond without him always wanting to be with Mom. This will help you both in the long run because you’ll be able to support your partner more when you’re home. It might feel tough at first, but it’s only hard for a short period, and I’m speaking from my own experience.

FrozenGator

A 9 month old baby has a memory like a goldfish, so it's NOT going to ruin your relationship with them, especially since it's just a week. My son is also super clingy to his mom, but it gets better right now he’s at 90% instead of 100% like he used to be. At first, when his mom started working, he could cry for maybe 40 minutes, but once he realized she wasn’t coming back and he calmed down, we had a really nice time together. I’m sorry about your dad; I’ve been in the same situation.

MeoW

Seek support from your pediatrician. There are definitely things she can do differently to make things easier in a few weeks.

For example, it’s important for the baby to have your undivided attention for some time each day maybe at least half an hour straight at this age. No cell phones or other distractions. Many parents are always juggling other things, and the baby can sense that.

It’s also important to handle the crying calmly and in the right way; otherwise, it can get worse and become even more challenging.

Taking a week off is no problem, but it might not be the solution.

MidnightVagabondX

That sounds like a great idea. At 9 months, a child's memory is very basic, so a week or two is no problem. Your partner is probably just feeling overwhelmed and focusing on the bigger responsibilities she needs to take on right now. Give her a break for a bit so she can think it through. It’s absolutely fine for the baby to spend time with the grandparents, by the way.

DynoShok

I think that sounds like a bad idea. If your son is really clingy to you, things probably won’t get better if the baby is away. If things are tough at home and also for your parents, maybe you should think about how important your job really is. You could take some time off or cut back on your work hours.

Frozenstorm4

I think it's a good idea you need to be there for both your mom and dad right now. Your relationship with your son isn't ruined at all just because you're apart for two weeks.

silencesleeper

I work nights constantly, and that’s nothing new. No, that’s not a bad suggestion at all.
During the pregnancy with our daughter, my mom got sick and passed away just before her six month mark. On top of that, we were renovating the house. I was gone almost all my waking hours, either at work or dealing with the house.
My daughter is as attached to me as she is to her mom, but there are periods when I’m the only approved parent, and sometimes it’s the other way around.
Around 8 9 months, it was just me and her mom while I worked as usual. I’d see her for maybe an hour a day when I wasn’t off. Sometimes, my partner and daughter would stay at her parents’ place for a week, and it wouldn’t make a difference.
So no, it’s not a bad suggestion. It could also be a way for her to get some relief, like you said, and for you to process everything with your dad without worrying about the rest.
Because the worst part is knowing it’s going to happen, not just dealing with it when it does.